A Modest Proposal

I only get political here on the blog every once in a while, but I have something needs saying so I’m going to say it here.

We should invade Mexico.

Seriously. We should do it. This year.

I came to this conclusion after reading an extremely smart article suggesting that no border wall will solve the problems of south border immigration in the United States. It posited that the reasons people are leaving Mexico in droves will always outweigh any attempts we make to restrict the influx…so instead we should spend that energy and budget on helping to stabilize Mexico.

But stabilizing her is a sisyphean task that would cost trillions to maybe work. A full-on invasion would be cheaper and more effective.  And I don’t mean a take-backsies invasion like what we did in Iraq. I mean making Mexico part of the United States permanently like we did with parts of Mexico coming on to two centuries ago. Let’s look at some of the benefits:

  • Make the Drug War a Real War. Our “wars” on poverty and drugs have not gone well, but we’re pretty good at actual shooting wars. The power of the cartels is the single biggest factor that makes life in Mexico terrible for (almost) everybody, and our sad civilian law enforcement efforts have made no significant headway. If we got busy dropping a SEAL team on the heads of each of those snakes, then played whack-a-mole with whoever stepped to the plate, actual legitimate government could actually make some headway toward establishing just social order.
  • They Have A Lot of Natural Resources. Even oil, Republican friends. Those resources aren’t being tapped effectively right now because of the state of disarray for government and business. This makes an admittedly expensive invasion less of a budget buster and more of an investment. They get a nicer place to live and raise families. We get lots of silver, copper, salt, fluorspar, iron, manganese, sulfur, phosphate, zinc, tungsten, molybdenum, mercury, gold, and gypsum. And oil. Lots and lots of oil.
  • We Cut the Source of the Undocumented Labor ProblemEmployers are the real bad guys in the immigration story. They take advantage of illegal aliens by paying them below market wages because the power differential is big enough to get away with it. They screw over American workers by hiring cheaper labor. If all Mexicans became Americans, this wouldn’t be possible. Employers would have to hire local labor for market scale. (Yes, I know lots of illegals are from other countries, but at last count this would cut off 59% of the supply).
  • It Might Save Tequila. You might have read a few years back about how we’re about to face a worldwide tequila shortage. Thing is, farmers are growing less agave and more things like coca plants and marijuana because of market forces and the influence of the cartels. A stabler Mexico could put those agave plants back in the ground before we have to start making our margaritas with vodka.
  • “Fuck Yeah.” Politics in the USA has never been so viciously divided, which is why we let the foxes run the henhouse for so long. For better or for worse, we’ve done better at remembering we’re all Americans when we have a common enemy to face off against while we sing the iconic song from our favorite movie.

So sincerely. Let’s invade Mexico. If nothing else, it will make our Facebook feeds even more interesting.

Who’s with me?