Friday Fun: Funny Analogies (and contest)

Many of you have read this list, or a version of it, at some time in the past. It’s been running around the internet since UseNet was the only place such things ran around in. Kids in the audience should consult their favorite paleontologist if they’re unclear on what UseNet is.

Origins of these analogies vary according to the version of the email or blog post. Popular theories include:

  • Entries in a “bad analogy” contest.
  • Text culled by high school teachers over the years.
  • Some wise guy making stuff up.
Wherever they come from, they’re instructional. Some are terrible, a few are brilliant on a “gosh I wish I wrote that” level. A few others are perfect cautionary tales. They’re really, really bad…but you can tell how somebody might have written them in the heat of the moment and thought it might work. Follow any of the links below for the full list:


Read ’em. Or — more likely — read ’em again. Funny and educational is powerful stuff.

And now, the contest…

Take one of the analogies. Mad-lib with it, keeping the same basic structure but turning it into the funniest thing I’ve read this year. Post your entries in the comments below.

For the winner, I will post word-for-word the compliment of your choice on my personal and professional Facebook pages, and do a guest post on the subject of your choice on your blog if you have one.

I’ll make my final choice next week and announce the winner in that Friday Fun post.

Good luck.

30 thoughts on “Friday Fun: Funny Analogies (and contest)

  1. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two tweek’d out meth heads diving for the last box of Sudafed.

  2. Oddly enough, once Thriki had made it through the softened rind of the skull, these shrunken heads tasted like over-ripe Fuji apples, the kind you can buy for 79 cents per pound at Safeway, this week, only. Safeway, better than Voodoo.

    • Oh wait, that’s a pun, not an analogy. How about this? Puns are sometimes like analogies in that they aren’t always understood, and often come out of one’s ass.

    • My proctologist compared my colon to the Persian Gulf: full of explosives, oil slicks, and the seaman of different races amd nationalities.

  3. The revelation that her marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of her husband’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like coming home from a lovely day out shopping to find that she had had lettuce caught between her teeth the entire time.

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