Remember the tooth fairy?

We were all born without teeth. We didn’t need them, and wouldn’t have asked for them if we knew how. Nobody had told us about fresh corn on the cob yet, so we were happy with breast milk. Besides, our food came with a free cuddle. Life generally rocked.

Eventually, we got teeth through no fault of our own. A few years later, we lost those teeth. We lost most of them because in life you lose those teeth, a few from accidents or a playground fight. Enterprising kids thought of ways to lose a lot of teeth at once so they could cash in on the Tooth Fairy.

Because whenever we lost a tooth, the Tooth Fairy gave us a gift.

It’s the same with the fuck fairy.

The what now?

See, we’re all born without fucks. Just look at a baby — that little bundle of joy gives exactly zero fucks. He’ll cry in front of everybody at the mall, and sit for hours in his own shit. When you were a baby, somebody had to keep reminding you not to slam your head into nearby walls. Zero fucks.

As you grew up, though, you got a whole bunch of fucks. Your parents started making you give a fuck about rules. Your classmates made you give a fuck about your looks and popularity. In your teens and twenties, dating and work supplied a cornucopia of fucks to give at random about a whole raft of shit that doesn’t really matter.

But here’s the great part.

You can lose those fucks. Some of them you lose because as we grow up our priorities change. Not a lot of grownups with kids really give that many fucks which metal band somebody else likes the best, or who said what about whom at the office. Others we lose as we become more confident with ourselves, or from the accidents and struggles that define us as we grow..

When you lose those fucks, thus reducing your total number of fucks given, the fuck fairy comes and gives you gifts.

She gives you the gifts of focus, motivation and clarity. She grants you the gifts of confidence, moxie and chutzpah. When you waste your energy giving fucks about things that aren’t worth a fuck, it saps your strength and fills you with doubt. When you lack spare fucks to give to anything but the most important things in your life, you can give those few remaining fucks the attention they deserve.

Remember how I mentioned that enterprising kids thought up ways to cash in on the Tooth Fairy? We’d dream of ways to lose all of our teeth so we could afford that new bike or game. Some of us (who shall remain nameless) even tried to counterfeit teeth. That doesn’t make us bad people, no matter what our elementary school principals said, it just…

Anyway, the point is that enterprising people can also become enterprising about losing their fucks. For me, that process was part of my martial arts training and early world travel, then capped off by having my sons. Other folks might need therapy, or coaching, or just regular time to sit quietly and assess their priorities.

Whatever your process for losing fucks has to be, make that process part of your life. Identify what matters most to you and yours, then give all of your fucks to them.Extraneous fucks you can shove under a pillow and smother to death, or you can shoot them through the pillow like a mob assassin in a movie.

You don’t need them anymore.

You’re going to see a lot of changes on this site over the next few weeks.

I’ve been writing for a living since 2009 and sharing what I’ve learned about the industry since 2010. It’s been fun, and I’ve appreciated the comments and compliments I’ve gotten from everybody who’s been a part of this blog over the years.

But here’s the thing. Writing is a small part of what I do…and a small niche in which to teach. Much of what I know — and most of what I did before writing — is far more widely applicable. So I’m branching out in this blog to cover life coaching, business coaching and similar fields.

The overwhelming majority of what I’ll have to say (and of what I’ve said so far) can be summed up in the title of this post: above average Joe.
Continue reading →

I’ve spoken to a lot of writers about Kickstarter lately. Some had advice. Many had questions. One of my colleagues — a client who has me do some research and structural coaching for her — recently launched a Kickstarter campaign for her memoir.

To really get the rest of today’s post, you need to follow this link and view the campaign. It has some good and some not-so-good that will help for you to understand. Plus, it’s a pretty cool campaign all things considered. Continue reading →

I spent the past five days in a whirlwind of speaking, transit and moderately heavy drinking…all thanks to having been invited to give four presentations in three days at two conferences in Northern Washington.

They were great cons: Write on the River in Wenatchee and the Northwest Travel Writers’ Conference in Spokane.

Regular readers won’t be surprised to learn I like cons. They’re a chance to talk shop and visit in a job where we spend most of our time by ourselves. They’re also a source of real inspiration as you talk to other people who are doing it right.

But my favorite part is talking with the elders. Like any other tribe, our clan of writers includes those who have gone further, done more and been around longer than me. When I can find a quiet corner and a few pints with one of these people, I do not miss the opportunity. Here are a few hints that have worked for me for making the most of these conversations. Continue reading →

The first step in becoming a professional writer is deciding you want to be a professional writer. The second step is developing a small body of work. If you want to write fiction, you need some short stories to sell to print and online magazines. If you want to write nonfiction or ad copy, you need a few articles or blurbs to show what you can do.

I’m going to assume that, if you want to become a professional writer, you aren’t one yet. This likely means you have a regular job. Maybe a wife, kids, commute and house to take care of. You can’t devote all your time to making this happen. That’s life…but it doesn’t mean you can’t make your portfolio happen.

Try this.

On Monday of next week, sketch a simple outline of a story or article. For fiction, write a sentence or two about each character and each major part of the tale. For nonfiction, write a note describing each paragraph in your essay or copy structure, and some lines about where you’ll go for further research.

On Tuesday, write the “sketch draft.” This is the simplest written form of the story. Any time you get stuck, write in parenthesis a note about what you want to have happen and move on. “John looked into Stella’s eyes and said (something eloquent about loving her).” or “(Put actual statistic here) out of 100 Americans say they fear a terrorist strike in their local area within the next 10 years.” Get it all down.

On Wednesday, focus your efforts on filling in those parts you skipped the day before. Look up the the statistics, scan through scenes in books and movies you liked for inspiration about how to handle those tricky scenes. At the end of the day, you’ll have a working rough draft. Continue reading →